Parents of Pre-teens & Teens
When the child you knew seems to have disappeared.
Shutting down — Talking back — Defiance — Anger — School refusal — Conflict — Disconnection
So many changes, so quickly. It can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you overnight. Whether it is talking back or not talking at all, eye-rolling and attitude, defiance, anger, school refusal, anxiety, or what feels like constant conflict and drama.
When I first meet parents of teens, they wonder where their sweet child went. It hurts, and they feel lost. They don't know how to reach them or get them to open up. They are scared they will never connect with them again, and terrified they can't protect them.
They haven't gone.
They just need you to find them.
Understanding what's happening
From as early as ten, the brain starts to go through the biggest rewiring since infancy. Neural pathways are being pruned at an astonishing rate. The emotional centres of the brain are running the show, while the thinking brain, where logic, decision-making and planning live, is under major construction. This means big emotions and minimal control. Think Ferrari engine with micro scooter brakes!
Things get even more complex when hormones enter the picture and bodies are changing. Teenagers find themselves trying to figure out who they are, what they think and feel, where they fit in. They also want to know whether their parents can handle this new version of who they are becoming.
Parents, out of love and a desire to get a handle on this new reality, often make matters worse by swinging between being too controlling or too permissive. Without understanding what their child needs at each stage of this phase, it builds a bigger wall between them. Teens often shut down, rebel, or become more anxious when they aren't getting what they need at home.
Things can improve when we work together
Understanding your teen
What's really going on beneath the surface
Rebuilding connection
Bridges, not walls
Parents I have worked with have seen unbelievable shifts in their relationship with their children....
Their teens have started connecting, talking, shown improvement at school, become more resilient, and more affectionate at home.
Boundaries and meaningful connection can be restored when parents get a clear understanding of what is really happening, and communicate in a way that meets their teen's needs. Yes, it takes patience. Yes, it can be hard work. Yes, it is absolutely worth it!
Think of it this way: through my parent-centred programme, we build the bridges our teenagers need to cross over to us. Not walls.
" Through Hayley's kind, warm and non-judgmental approach to coaching, this journey helped me to understand that I could create an effective partnership with my children. "
- Dr Sheryl K
Let's Talk!
Ready to find a way back to each other?
